Top Ten Things Dan Rather Would Never Say On The CBS EVENING NEWS
10. I'm Dan Rather, your love anchor
9. Connie, mind if I borrow your mascara?
8. Wanna buy a fake Rolex?
7. And now a report from our White House correspondent, Howie Mandel
6. Maybe Letterman ought to spend some of that big-time TV money on better wigs
5. That's the news, I'm Oprah Winfrey
4. Hey, let's bomb Alaska!
3. Honey, I'll be home soon--have the tequila ready
2. Good evening. I'm Dan Rather and I'm not wearing pants
1. I made that last story up
